


switchblades and infidelity

by peterckomo



Series: stick around and see how it ends [3]
Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Adultery, M/M, This Is Sad, like really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 08:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14100996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterckomo/pseuds/peterckomo
Summary: The final part, when all love comes to a screeching halt for Joe.





	switchblades and infidelity

Joe didn’t feel right. Everything on his body felt weak and drained lately. Music was getting harder to make, people were getting harder to talk to. Life was changing and Joe hated it. He didn’t know how to deal with any of this. He had one constant happiness in his ever changing miserable world, though. He had Patrick. They had just celebrated their second anniversary together, which is two more years than Pete said they’d last.

On their anniversary, they went to a fancy restaurant, paid for by Joe. Joe didn’t mind, he usually paid for things when they went out. It didn’t bother him, they had an agreement, Joe pays for the outings, and Patrick buys groceries. They share bills. It was cute, them living together. Their friends always teases them about how domestic they are, always asking about when they’d get married. Joe wanted to do it soon, but Patrick always seemed to shy away from the question, changing the subject. 

Joe had a hard day, but by the time he came home, he had forgotten all about it. He had a big surprise for Patrick. When he parked in their shared driveway, he opened the glovebox, smiling at the small ring box. He was going to propose. It was time, Joe decided. They were in love, he needed Patrick to know that Joe’s love was permanent, no matter what- Joe loved him. Joe knew and thought frequently, that he’d always love him. Patrick could do anything to him, Joe would still look at him with the same admiration that he did when they first met.

Before Joe gets out of the car, he reflects a bit. Lately, stuff has been so different. Patrick just seems a bit off, not so apt to hug back. Patrick’s always been so clingy, attached to the hip of Joe, but lately he’s so distant. The weirdest of all of it, is the voices. They seem to be faded, like when they talk- it’s softer. Like he can’t hear them all. It’s almost like Patrick’s thoughts are hiding something.

Joe sighs, turning off his car and opening the door, sliding the ring into his jacket’s pocket and walking up their front steps and into the door. When he goes to open it, it’s locked. He sighs and pulls his keys out. Joe knows Patrick isn’t expecting him, he’s home early, but Joe thinks it might be a nice surprise. He puts the key into the lock and turns it, unlocking the door and opening it, before stepping inside. Joe tries to stay quiet, just in case Patrick’s napping. He does that a lot now, nap. He seems to always be so tired.

Joe sits his coat on the couch, before walking to the staircase and slowly walking up them, staying as quiet as he can. Joe goes to their bedroom door, and the closer he gets, the more fear creeps inside of him. He can hear Patrick’s voice very clearly. He’s moaning. Again and again. Joe’s not a weirdo voyeur, and he assumes Patrick is just jacking off or something. But, by peeking through the crack in the door, his theory is proven wrong.

Patrick is riding somebody. Joe can’t even see who it is. He doesn’t care. Joe wants to go in and rip Patrick off of whoever the fuck is in there, but he can’t. He just can’t do it. He turns around, walking back down the steps and sitting on the couch silently. Joe places his hand in his pocket, holding onto the ring box. 

He tries to think of what he’ll say. If he should confront Patrick, or just leave it be. Joe wants to pretend it never happened and avoid conflict at all costs, but he knows it isn’t healthy. Knows that this is gonna fuck them up no matter what. He closes his eyes, trying to avoid crying. 

‘God fucking damnit, Patrick.’ Joe thinks. It’s not out of hatred, and not even out of spite. He’s not so much angry at Patrick for cheating, but rather for ruining Joe’s shot of marrying him. Joe loses track of time, but he doesn’t open his eyes again until he hears Patrick coming downstairs. Patrick stops in his tracks when he sees Joe, before quickly running back up the stairs.

Joe sighs and crosses his arms over his chest. Joe knows what Patrick is doing. He’s making the guy climb out a window or something. Maybe Patrick thinks Joe will kill the dude. Joe knows some people who would do that, but he’s not that kinda guy. Joe just looks at Patrick once he’s back downstairs, and one single look is enough to make Patrick burst into tears. 

“I didn’t mean to, Joe!” Patrick starts off with saying, before mumbling something about it all being an accident and one thing leading to another and blah blah blah. Joe just stares at him, after a minute Joe says.

“An accident? You just fell on his dick, hm?” Joe says, and he realizes how defensive it sounds. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” Patrick says, looking at Joe suspiciously. 

“You gonna do it again?” Joe asks, and Patrick shakes his head in response. “Then I’m not mad. I’m a little disappointed.” He shrugs, “Is it just sex, Patrick?”

“What?” 

“Is it just sex.” Joe repeats. “Are you and ‘whoever the fuck’ you were riding just fuck buddies? Was this a one off? Or are you in love?”

And for a second there’s no thoughts from Patrick that Joe can hear. He tries as hard as possible, but it’s completely silent. This worries Joe, and when he looks up to meet his eyes with Patrick’s he feels like he knows the answer.

“No, no, Joe. No love.” Patrick shakes his head, “Just fucking, okay? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that.”

Joe doesn’t believe Patrick, but that makes him feel worse, so he just nods his head and drops the subject.

-

It doesn’t get brought up for an entire month. Joe never proposes, he can’t. He thinks about it from time to time, and there’s practically no sex because of the cheating.

Joe knows Patrick hasn’t quit. Joe’s purposefully started to pretend to go to bed early, and he’s always awake when Patrick gets all dressed up and leaves the house. There’s an ache inside him, constantly. Patrick used to get dressed up like that for /him./ Now there’s some other dude, who’s touching his boyfriend’s ass and probably doing other stuff to it. It’s all such a fucked situation, Joe decides. He feels stuck because of it. 

Should he break up with Patrick? He doesn’t know. That’s the problem. Every night when he can’t sleep and he walks around their house, their house that /they/ bought together and made sure they had an extra bedroom for because they want kids someday (wanted, Joe knows they can’t bring kids into this situation now) he touches all their pictures, staring at Patrick’s smiles and wondering if they were ever truly genuine. He just wants to make things better. Wants to feel confident that Patrick loves him.

Usually, Joe would resort to mindreading Patrick’s thoughts to figure out how he should handle the situation, but the problem is, he can’t! Like, ninety percent of Patrick’s thoughts are blocked from him now. It’s quite lonely actually, but it might be for the best. He doesn’t wanna hear all of Patrick’s thoughts about this other guy. Not the sexual ones, not the romantic ones, if there are any.

Joe still doesn’t know who the dude is. Maybe it’s not even the same dude. Maybe Patrick’s out there fucking forty different men. He feels sick for wishing that were the truth. At least then there would be no emotional attachment. Joe knows what Patrick said, but he doesn’t believe him. Not at all anymore. He’s seen the texts.

Joe was doing the laundry, like the good little housewife he is, when he came across Patrick’s phone, buzzing in the pocket of his jeans. He felt like Patrick left it in there on purpose, just to upset Joe. He knows it isn’t the truth, but how dumb could Patrick be? Leaving his phone in his jeans?  
The texts were basic, Patrick’s nickname for the other man being ‘babe.’ (his nickname for Joe is just ‘joe.’) and the messages all relating to being in love and when they’d sneak off together. It was one message that threw Joe over the edge. After reading it, he stayed in bed for three days, unable to eat, unable to speak, even.

‘I want to marry you.’ That’s what Patrick had sent this person. Joe’s never felt pain like that before. He truly felt like he had been stabbed, like everything he’s ever loved was being ripped from him. He hated that he still loved him. He wanted to hate Patrick so fucking bad, but he just couldn’t. He thinks back to Patrick wincing about marrying Joe, cringing and changing the subject so fucking quick. He only did that because he wanted to marry someone else.

Joe waits up all night for Patrick to get back home. When he does show up, he stumbles into bed a quarter past four in the morning. When he slides under the covers, cuddling up to Joe, he feels cold. Joe tenses up, opening his eyes and looking over at him.

“Shit! You scared the fuck out of me, baby!” Patrick says, gasping.

“Shut the fuck up.” Joe says, and Patrick goes silent. “Where were you?”

Patrick looks like he’s gonna say something, but doesn’t.

“Where the fuck /were/ you, Patrick?” Joe says again, sitting up and turning on a side lamp. “You were with him, yeah? The man you’re gonna marry?”

“How do you know that? Did you go through my phone?”

“You left it in your jeans and gave your jeans to me. I’m sorry, Patrick. When I checked my boyfriend’s phone I didn’t expect to see him talking about loving somebody else.” His voice is sarcastic and dry and he’s obviously pissed off.

Then, for the first time in weeks, there’s a clear voice coming through. A clear thought from Patrick’s head. 

‘I hate him.’

It feels like glass is shattering, it feels like everything is broken and he can never glue it back together, ever. Joe doesn’t cry, doesn’t even flinch, instead he just stares at Patrick.

“You hate me?” Joe asks, and Patrick freezes.

“Why- Why would you say that?” And Joe knows he’s got him caught now.

“Do you fucking hate me? Cause if you do, you should have the fucking balls to say it to my face. Let me know, fucking tell me. Because I love you.”

“How do you know that I hate you? What makes you think that?”  
Joe knows he has to tell him. He has to. 

“I can read your mind.” And it’s fucking hard for him to say it without laughing, because it sounds so fucking dumb.

“Very funny.” Patrick rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and looking away.

“Whatever you think. It doesn’t matter. Answer my question, Patrick. Do you hate me?”

Patrick’s eyes are glossy, like he’s gonna cry. He looks into Joe’s eyes and shakes his head, and for a moment, Joe’s relieved. But the world never throws Joe Trohman a fucking bone, and he knows that nothing is ever okay. 

“I don’t hate you.” Patrick says, his voice breaking a little, “But I don’t love you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, we just can’t do this.”

And the voices go silent.  
-

The band goes on a hiatus because of this, Patrick is still fucking with the dude (who turns out to be Gabe fucking Saporta, no less.) And Joe’s entire world has crumbled down, crushing him. 

He stays home all the time, never interacting with people. For the first few months, Pete tries to call. Tries to come over, but Joe’s so withdrawn.

He hates himself, he decides. It’s all his fault, he wasn’t good enough for Patrick. He leaves all forms of social media, because Gabe and Patrick are always all over it. He hates seeing their dumb Disneyworld pictures and their stupid fucking engagement photos. He hates seeing Patrick’s smile. It’s so genuine, and Joe knows that once upon a time, he made Patrick feel that way. Once upon a time, Joe had these dumb powers and maybe if he never had them he wouldn’t have ever fallen in love.

Joe knows it’s dumb to wish that, because when they were in real actual love, it was so good. But he constantly has to wonder how much of it was one sided. He’ll forever wonder that.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that's it. I hope it was good. I'm not 100% saying this is gonna be the end of this forever, because it does end at hiatus so there *could* be more one day. But for now, this is it. I wanna work on other fics. You can still send headcanons about happier days in the mindreading au at my tumblr: maxamdayss  
> comments appreciated.


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